Like this morning. As I was in bed waking and as I drifted in and out of sleep some thoughts came, some of which I only recognised after registering the emotional disturbance that arose. I felt scared. Sometimes this is the way that I am alerted to a thought stream I am barely conscious of, especially when in and out of sleep in the morning or during the night. I am particularly vulnerable to fear evoking thoughts at night and in the morning.
So I had a little battle of sorts on my hands. Give into the fear and have more scary thoughts or take a hold of the situation. Sometimes I can lightly let go when I notice a scary thought. At other times I have to pay attention and take control of my focus.
I had to make a conscious effort to bring my attention into the present moment. The best way of doing this I have found is to command my attention to focus on my physical body and my breath. The physical body lives in the present. I put my hand on my heart area too as an emotional support. This worked beautifully.
However I had to do it several times, as the thoughts kept coming and they were quite sticky. It was thoughts about tasks I had to remember to do today that would have negative consequences if I forgot. And there was a fear of forgetting the task that would lead to a negative outcome.
I just wanted to share that sometimes the process of becoming more mindful for me, feels like a battle between light and dark. That statement has religious undertones but I don’t really mind this light and dark metaphor as I know it doesn’t make sense on a higher level. The so called dark, is the means by which I develop my inner muscles. It is by taking a stand that I learn the skill of becoming present. This skill when practised over and over it becomes a habit. So thank you scary thought.