Grappling


and grappling with such unexpectedly strong feelings as they surge up in response to this week’s vote in the US. Shock, horror, excitement, aversion, hatred, fear, hope…it is all in here like a big boiling broth, along with many opinions and judgements. I did not plan to get involved, but ended up watching the whole thing as it took place that night.

My mind is having a ball, alerted by my distressed emotions…. it comes up with a superfast flow of judgements, thoughts about solutions, actions to take, ways to deal with the feelings, analyses about what it all means. Thank you mind for doing your job of problem solving, but I am still feeling pain and completely forgetting about peace if I listen to you. Some of my thoughts are pretty horrible, harsh, judgemental, hateful even…and who does that remind you of? Yes, D.Trump.

I did an I Ching reading earlier and it said “Yes, circumstances may be frighteningly unfamiliar, but there is also great promise of excitement as the old way transforms into a new way”. Here is a link if you fancy a shot http://cafeausoul.com/iching

This is contributing to a further breaking down for me, a deconstruction of any idea I might have had that I have some clue about what is going on in the world and what is best for the world. Whenever I try to formulate a coherent strategy of how we can collectively fix our problems, life seems to show me I have to let go of the idea that life will conform to my idea of how it ‘should’ be. So what else to do but distinguish between what is within my power and what is not, what is my business and what is not.

Is it possible that I don’t know what is best for other people?! 10s of millions of people just voted for a person who I would not trust to lead a country. I need to respect that.  I don’t know what life is like for other people. What seems like a calamity for me, is perhaps a solution to those living a daily calamity. I am in no position to judge others for the choices they make for themselves.

I only know what is best for me, and even then, I am really only just starting to learn about and integrate that quite late in life. So far my experiment of actively treating myself with compassion not criticism, forgiveness instead of judgement and kindness instead of harshness has given me a more compassionate, honest and less judgemental perspective. As I fill my own love bank, I have more to give to others. This experience has made me even more determined to see this process through to wherever it will lead me.

This whole election experience has shown me how much the world is bleeding, even in one the richest countries on the planet. How else can I react but with renewed compassion for us all. Soften and include, soften and include. Note to self – Leave nobody outside the goodwill and compassion. This is my work, this is my business. Let us find that ‘still point of the turning world’ that T.S. Eliot talks of, it is always there.

 

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