The more I trust, the more life works out


So after my fear was screaming at me yesterday about socialising during work hours, I did in fact end up spending much of the evening designing, and it was very productive. The energy was there for it, which is unusual in the evenings these days. Another small piece of evidence that I can trust what is happening.

I find myself just doing things, as if the ground has been prepared for me to step onto already. Some fear arrives about that! Big waves of anxiety as it sinks fully in, that I can just relax. And enjoy myself. I don’t have to be an eagle eyed seeker of potential problems.

Everything simply arises, is resolved, and disappears again. An issue with work arises, is resolved and disappears. A feeling arises, resolves itself if I don’t interfere, and disappears. A thought arises and disappears, if I don’t interfere with it.

Interfering is inviting it to dinner, and making a meal out of it by elaborating on it, inventing a story about it, and generating worry or anger or regret or whatever. All we really need to do is to open the door, welcome the thought or the feeling in, and show it gently to the wide open back door and walk past the table in the dining room.

The way we interfere with feelings and thoughts is if we add a ‘me’ to them. We personalise them, take them personally, when they are just flowing along, rising and disappearing without any need for us to identify with them.

Welcome to the sadness that comes knocking when a thought about my old dog dying arises. I see that I could invite that thought to join me for a right big meal at the table. Instead I agree, ‘yes, it will be sad. Yet right now my dog is here with me alive, and we are enjoying life together’. I do not have to make my whole day sad about an event that is not actually occurring in the present. And I can reassure myself that I trust that I will be able to handle the event when it happens in the future. (My dog just came over there for a wee love and a pat!)

Welcome to the fear that arises with the thought that I have too much or too little work. I could spend all day in anxiety if I invited this one to the dinner table. Instead I say thank you, and I take my attention to the fact that right now we have just the right amount of work. Right now I can relax with what actually is happening. It is all okay. And I show the fear and the thought through the open back door and wave goodbye. The thought arises, is acknowledged, maybe its welcomed and thanked even, and it is shown the back door. And the awareness of what is happening right now helps with this process.

Welcome to the anger that arises with the thought of a previous experience of ‘bad behaviour’ towards me by someone or other. This one really wants to come to a 5 course dinner and talk all about that. It can go on for half a day about how unjust that person was, how unfairly treated I was, and what action needs to be taken about it.

I don’t want to stress myself out like that, been there and done that, so many many times. Right now I feel balanced, centred, present and fairly relaxed. The people and the behaviour do not exist at all at this moment. If the situations ever did exist they have long disappeared. What is happening right now? I take my attention to that. I am sitting here warm and safe in my lovely little house and all is well. I feel my breath going in and out. I hear the rain outside. I show the angry thoughts out the back and say, yes I hear you but not right now thanks, I am busy being kind to myself. Acknowledge and let go, acknowledge and let go, over and over and over, with the occasional little self hug if required lol.

This is how I have learned to process emotions and potentially sticky thoughts. No suppression, or attempts at replacing feelings and thoughts with other happy ones, and no antidotes required….I don’t have to go eat chocolate to comfort myself, because I have not invited them to dinner and stressed myself right out.

I can handle acknowledging them even if they are painful because I know now from experience that if I am able to handle pain with self compassion and kindness. It can be faced and felt and let go, like a slow river flowing.

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