It doesn’t come easy to me, coming from a line of fiercely independent women who simply steel themselves through difficulties and never ever ask for help. It is not a bad policy to have in life to an extent, but it does make it difficult when it is really an appropriate time to ask for help. The conditioning that it is weak to do so goes deep and usually I have to be nearing burn out to do it.
However now things are different. I love myself dearly these days and wanted to help myself to relieve the suffering of having too much to do, being disorganised, feeling paralysed by anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed. So when my my business mentor arrived yesterday and asked how I am doing I say instead of the usual its all hunky dory, I say ‘Whaaaaaaaaa HELP!!!’. She was entirely unperturbed by this, said it was common place in my position running a company and set about soothing me with some practical ideas and solutions.
After I wrote the other day here I had actually already handwritten my to do list as well as filing and clearing all the paperwork I felt overwhelmed by. I just needed to break the tasks down into smaller manageable chunks. So my environment feels more ordered now. This helped me a great deal to calm my primitive brain that was freaking out about the potential danger of the disorganisation.
Sometimes the belief that I should be calm no matter what is happening rears its head (like Buddha!), and I end up feeling inadequate when I am not feeling calm. At times I try to practise mindfulness as a solution to get rid of a feeling like stress when actually mindfulness is about facing, accepting and embracing it all. Often it is something simple that is required – I just need to clear my intray, or ask for help, talk through solutions with someone, or even get a massage. There is another lingering belief that the spiritual is higher than the material and I should be able to override any basic life problems by being more spiritual! Of course I do realise that there is no separation between the spiritual and the material, they are part of each other.
It is far more honest just to be with whatever is going on emotionally, even if we have fallen prey to some untrue thought or old bit of conditioning. The only way to embrace ourselves completely is to accept all that is going on inside completely and without judgement. I have noticed that sometimes how I want to be or feel can overtake how I actually am feeling and lead to denial. I have done this so many times. And this is okay too.
So I also sought out the help of an osteopath yesterday for a nagging back pain, and wow did it feel great caring for myself and being cared for in this way. I also contacted several business coaches online to see what they have to offer should I decide that I need more ongoing support and input. I do feel greatly relieved now, and I got through that to do list really quickly and easily last night. So its time perhaps to kiss goodbye to the belief that I was somehow above needing other people and help 🙂