Im managing for some of the time to stay with exactly what is happening. Washing my hands, Im feeling the water, hearing the sounds, breathing. I remember to love in the present Im discovering. To cherish this life, to appreciate, to be thankful.
At other times my mind wanders off and next thing I know Im tensing up, feeling stress, thoughts speed faster…I have become lost in a story generated by my very monkey like mind. Something negative that could happen in the future perhaps, something that happened in the past, but neither are happening right now this very minute. That means they lack realness in this moment.
If there is a battleground in my life then this is it. Though it’s not warlike in practise. When I notice that my mind has wandered off into the past or future, I gently remember. There is no irritation of self recrimination or anything. It’s just a gentle, ‘ah yes, there it goes again, back I come’.
Today a story has dominated about a relative who has become estranged. I wrote to her to request we try to find harmony again, but no reply yet. So my mind has been having all sorts of judgements, and rehearsals of possible conversations, and going over past experiences with the person, and going over negative things I’ve heard she said about me.
This has been happening all day, with me noticing, ‘ah yes, we are off again’, and back to breathing, to what is happening right now and the work in front of me to do.